The Energy Drink Effect

"Monster" Energy Drink

I can recall one specific time I had this Monster energy drink. I was doing laundry with a friend. Boy, was I hyper. I was talking a mile a minute and every little thing that entered into my brain would stumble out of my mouth. I was brave, I was happy, I was gitty. My friend promised never to allow me to drink a can of that green liquid in her presence. It's intense effect on me shocked her. (oh, but it was so much fun!)

Ever have experiences in life that have the "energy drink effect" on you? There are those experiences that you just can't write down, that renew your faith in faith, that can bring you back to believing. They challenge your outlook. They  give you a healthy doze of motivation and "never give up". We live for these moments of renewal and clarification; those times when everything becomes easy and you find that passion once again. 

Psalms 4:7
"You have put gladness in my heart, More than in the season that their grain and wine increased." 

Sounds a lot like an energy drink to me. 

Hello Life, You Seem A Little Difficult

A picture I took while walking and thinking.

I've had a monstrous amount of things on my mind lately:

money, college, job, work, skills, school, grades, moving, car insurance, friends......
decisions, morals, values, drinking, smoking, art, voting.....
being an adult, driving, car, tuition, application, relationships, love, independence, boys, plans.....
God, destiny, callings, praying, volunteering, missions, laundry, responsibilities, style, modesty, standards....
fun, entertainment, Facebook, social life, church, and eating.....

Dealing with the combination of all these thoughts has become overwhelming at times (This is why I haven't blogged in a while). Sometimes I am so concerned about everything I start to tear up. I want to have control of everything; yet, at the same time, I don't want to have the responsibility of controlling anything. (These are truly the times I should reach for God.)

I see teens my age goofing off when it comes to school, watching television for hours at a time without a care in the world and doing whatever, whenever; carefree.  I should be proud to say I have a better perspective; a deeper revelation about life, but, in all honestly, I just feel old. There are days I feel OLD. When did all these concerns creep up on me?! Man, they are sneaky. And frustrating. And...(Let's give it to God).

My dad calls it "being mature".

Yet, when you see a group of kids sitting on the side of the road while you're on your way home from a night's work you don't really say, "Hm, they are just immature young people who haven't gotten a grip on responsibility yet." You think, "I must be getting older." proceeded by a bummed look on your face.

BUT, the concerns, struggles and all those things that have me feeling old now, will make me wiser! So for now, I need to keep saying, "Hello Life, you look difficult, but you will also make me wise."

That Shiny Metal Cookie Cutter

We try so hard to make them happy
Accepted
Connected


So hard
to think in our own way
Independent
Expressive
Self Confident

"Goodbye we don't need you"
Isolated
Shunned
Alone

But who wants to be accepted for being the same as them;
Conformity
Similarity
Boring

So here we are trying to be

Different

To stand on our own
And Disregard
That pressure to be Identical.

Got To Love Those Darn Holy Rollers

I sometimes receive arguments like this one: 

"There are so many rules in the Bible: from how to dress to how to behave, to how to react and what to do with your life. Who in the world would want to live by a book of restrictions and regulations!? Why do you subject yourself to that? It's stressful and disconnects you from what's happening around you. It keeps you from experiencing life." 

There are times when people won't understand. From their point of view you're a naive individual with legalistic ideas. They don't comprehend that it's not the rules and guidelines your following. It's God.

"Just make an exception."

My faith is such a huge part of ME, it's virtually impossible for me to ignore it's impact on my way of life. Decisions are make by it and Life is defined by it. I look to the Bible to help me distinguish the best wait to be myself.

"You're missing out on experiencing life."

That Bible, is Life. To reject it would be to reject Life.
I can't let that book go. I can't. I won't. I'm a bible banger.

My argument:

Is it possible to live complete without knowing that there's a greater purpose for their existence? When you're not sure what to do, what thing to go for or what to let alone, where do you look for answers?! Is it you that determines what's right and wrong?! That mass murder-er thought he was doing something right... A life that's rule-less and reckless, doesn't sound appealing. Sorry.

The day, when life without the Bible turns into something better than what it's like WITH it I'll considering letting it collect dust.

Here's everything and nothing about the Bible in a minute! Enjoy.

Dying People Pink and Green

I finally have an answer to my question; "So what do we do?" that I had posed in my entry Outfits, Eggs, and Expectations. Well, I know the answer to the one sub-question regarding changing the egg (my extended metaphor for - taking someone and trying to change them)....

When you dye an egg pink for example can you then dye it green? Ok, yes, you can definitely dunk the same egg in a bowl of green dye, but the egg won't be JUST green. There will still be hints of pink and the green shade on the egg won't be the same as the pretty green that it was supposed to be.

If you find someone who is one way do you really think you can change them?
They most likely WILL change, but their motive for changing will not be to self improve. You will become their motive; their reason to change, not God, not "to become a better person". Why is that so bad? Well, the result would be an individual fashioned to your liking; someone who can only identify themselves with you (a multicolored egg, a mesh of you and them). God is the one they should be identifying with! He's the maker, transformer, creator. It's His job. We aren't supposed to change people. We are supposed to point to the one who can. Only He can take that egg, make it white and recolor it.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here!" 2 Corinthians 5:7

Trying to change the egg isn't an option.

Tattoo "Secure" On Me

It's so easy to determine when someone has self esteem issues. There's a pattern of behavior followed in order to make up for that feeling of insecurity. I've noticed that it's hard to detect a lack of self esteem in one's self. The other night I was TV surfing and stopped at this program. I watched as a starving female artist, with red hair and thick black rimmed glasses, sat in front of a desk was a tattooed, bald head muscular guy ("King of Art?"). He was talking about how he sees great potential in her work. And how she should pursue this one specific style of art. She started to cry and weep. She couldn't believe that she had his "blessing" to continue in her artistry. I watched this and thought, "Wow, she struggles with low self esteem..."

I quickly, in that moment, examined myself. I pin pointed a time, not too long ago, when I did something very similar; allowing the words of someone else determine how confident I felt. Out loud I said, "I just had a revelation." I can't base whether or not I'm satisfied with myself by waiting for someone to come along and compliment or approve of me. I need to be secure in myself by myself. 

Thank you Starving Redheaded Artist for helping me realize (give yourself more credit!). 

Running Up Escalators

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:34

When I was younger I remember running up the escalators at the JCPenny store and trying to reach the top before anyone else. Of course, I'd always win because no normal person would dart up a stairwell that automatically ascends to the higher level (except the very hyper Ceci). There I'd stand panting for breath with my hair displaced as a result of my sudden sprint with eyes wide (sweet victory). As the shopping trip carried on and everyone enjoyed themselves, I would be the first to get tired... my energies were prematurely exerted at the entrance. I'd turn cranky and ask myself why I felt like I had HAD to run up the metal moving stairs. Silly girl.

I've noticed this pattern in my life- trying too hard too early. I sometimes wear myself out when I should be relaxing; hassle over a situation when it really isn't something to stress over, or jump into meaningful relationship before its God's time. In the beginning the sense  of control, independent and responsibility seem to be there, but before long, I feel the way I'd feel at the end of a shopping trip. Tired and regretful. Honestly, I enjoy being first (in life, love, success and all things "grown-up") but I'm learning now that it's better to take a normal pace (let Life be an escalator) so that I'll still have it together at the end.