Hello Life, You Seem A Little Difficult

A picture I took while walking and thinking.

I've had a monstrous amount of things on my mind lately:

money, college, job, work, skills, school, grades, moving, car insurance, friends......
decisions, morals, values, drinking, smoking, art, voting.....
being an adult, driving, car, tuition, application, relationships, love, independence, boys, plans.....
God, destiny, callings, praying, volunteering, missions, laundry, responsibilities, style, modesty, standards....
fun, entertainment, Facebook, social life, church, and eating.....

Dealing with the combination of all these thoughts has become overwhelming at times (This is why I haven't blogged in a while). Sometimes I am so concerned about everything I start to tear up. I want to have control of everything; yet, at the same time, I don't want to have the responsibility of controlling anything. (These are truly the times I should reach for God.)

I see teens my age goofing off when it comes to school, watching television for hours at a time without a care in the world and doing whatever, whenever; carefree.  I should be proud to say I have a better perspective; a deeper revelation about life, but, in all honestly, I just feel old. There are days I feel OLD. When did all these concerns creep up on me?! Man, they are sneaky. And frustrating. And...(Let's give it to God).

My dad calls it "being mature".

Yet, when you see a group of kids sitting on the side of the road while you're on your way home from a night's work you don't really say, "Hm, they are just immature young people who haven't gotten a grip on responsibility yet." You think, "I must be getting older." proceeded by a bummed look on your face.

BUT, the concerns, struggles and all those things that have me feeling old now, will make me wiser! So for now, I need to keep saying, "Hello Life, you look difficult, but you will also make me wise."

Something New That Should Never Get Old

My time in Haiti is coming to an end (once again). This time it's "good bye" for awhile. Way back in 2010, before I had my own blog, I guest posted on John and Perla's blog. I shared about the change I was experiencing. Here is an encore post of that same entry called "A New Perspective". Enjoy!

Yesterday was my second Friday here in Mariani, Haiti. As the sun was starting to go down, I sat on the balcony gazing out at the entire orphanage. My legs were crossed as they swung from the balcony seat. Looking far out I could see the dark blue ocean; a little closer I saw a field. Looking right down was the church where people had gathered for prayer. I could hear them singing over my playing ipod. The group stopped singing and someone began to speak. At this point a song called, "We Will Trust You" was beginning to play on the mp3. It starts out:

"How precious is your heart, oh God

Righteous and true

Gaze on me with infinite tenderness

I surrender to you

Master of wind and raging tide..."

I suddenly was taken by the trust that the people of Haiti have for God; their complete surrender to Him. As the song played and the prayers of the people in the church escaped into my ears, I began to pray.

Just two weeks ago I was worried about whether or not I would have enough hair product to last me the trip. The night before I left I was torn by the fact that, due to a lack of room in my luggage, I wouldn't be able to bring a sentimental pair of shoes. Now looking back, the word that comes to mind is, "pointless." It's not so much that I appreciate all the things I've been blessed to have, but rather, "What is the use?"

I urge you to seek a new perspective. Being thankful for what you have is great and good, but how big is your trust in God? 

Can you sing to Him when you have nothing? 

Have you truly surrendered it all to Him? 

Become raw before God and find the priceless value of Him.