Dying People Pink and Green

I finally have an answer to my question; "So what do we do?" that I had posed in my entry Outfits, Eggs, and Expectations. Well, I know the answer to the one sub-question regarding changing the egg (my extended metaphor for - taking someone and trying to change them)....

When you dye an egg pink for example can you then dye it green? Ok, yes, you can definitely dunk the same egg in a bowl of green dye, but the egg won't be JUST green. There will still be hints of pink and the green shade on the egg won't be the same as the pretty green that it was supposed to be.

If you find someone who is one way do you really think you can change them?
They most likely WILL change, but their motive for changing will not be to self improve. You will become their motive; their reason to change, not God, not "to become a better person". Why is that so bad? Well, the result would be an individual fashioned to your liking; someone who can only identify themselves with you (a multicolored egg, a mesh of you and them). God is the one they should be identifying with! He's the maker, transformer, creator. It's His job. We aren't supposed to change people. We are supposed to point to the one who can. Only He can take that egg, make it white and recolor it.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here!" 2 Corinthians 5:7

Trying to change the egg isn't an option.

Running Up Escalators

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:34

When I was younger I remember running up the escalators at the JCPenny store and trying to reach the top before anyone else. Of course, I'd always win because no normal person would dart up a stairwell that automatically ascends to the higher level (except the very hyper Ceci). There I'd stand panting for breath with my hair displaced as a result of my sudden sprint with eyes wide (sweet victory). As the shopping trip carried on and everyone enjoyed themselves, I would be the first to get tired... my energies were prematurely exerted at the entrance. I'd turn cranky and ask myself why I felt like I had HAD to run up the metal moving stairs. Silly girl.

I've noticed this pattern in my life- trying too hard too early. I sometimes wear myself out when I should be relaxing; hassle over a situation when it really isn't something to stress over, or jump into meaningful relationship before its God's time. In the beginning the sense  of control, independent and responsibility seem to be there, but before long, I feel the way I'd feel at the end of a shopping trip. Tired and regretful. Honestly, I enjoy being first (in life, love, success and all things "grown-up") but I'm learning now that it's better to take a normal pace (let Life be an escalator) so that I'll still have it together at the end. 

Mannequins Make Great Models

It must be lovely to be a mannequin; to be perfect in every way and to never have to struggle with emotions.

Sometimes it's typical to think that missionaries have this "all together", "picture perfect", "I'm-working-for-God", "queue the angelic music" kind of life.

Contrary to popular belief, we experience;
doubt,
fear,
loneliness
and anger.

There are times, when we feel so alone, the lizard on the wall seems to be our only companion. We look at the little creature, and in all of our loneliness, we talk to it (don't worry, this doesn't happen a lot). We get pissed to the point where we yell at the coconuts hanging on the tree for not falling (or falling). We get tired of having to communicate in a language other than our own. We look at the fellow to which we are trying to explain something and start to blab in English (yeah, it's kind of awkward).

We have days when we ask ourselves why are we in a third world country - where showers are cold and bathrooms are scarce. Why are we in a country whose currency can be counted in two ways (gourdes and Haitian dollars) and the electricity is never consistent; in a place where everything takes two times longer and is usually done backwards. We ask ourselves these questions and sometimes feel a tad bit clueless and somewhat confused. These feelings and emotions aren't something that disappear as one mounts on a plane to enter the mission field, in search for the will of God. We have no halo, we carry no wings.

We are humans (in a foreign country), trying to conquer the mass of arrows and darts life throws at us. We are humans who have experienced the Grace of God on our lives. This Grace, so intense, so pure, so precious that we can't help but share it with others. And we seek to spread it. This is why we do what we do. Far from perfection and still learning to deal with our vast array of emotions we look to hold the orphan, shelter the parent-less and teach those who would otherwise never get an education.We give of the Grace that was so freely offered to us.

Oh! To be a perfect little mannequin would indeed be ideal, but then I would never have the ability to receive this wonderful Grace and participate in his perfect purpose.

It's Not That Bad; Being Alone.

At times when you see someone going through a circumstance the best way to show them that you care is to let them go through their situation alone. It’s when they are alone that change will have complete liberty to take place. 

They will be forced to recognize themselves for who they really are. 

Sometimes, if we aren't careful, our intention to make someone feel good about who they are can be like a sheet that blocks them from seeing their true self. If they can’t see their true nature they won’t see what needs to be changed.  

Similarly they can gain a perspective on who they desire to be.  

It is the human condition to want to help another but there are times when we put so much importance onto our own influence on someone that we forget to allow God to provide the purpose and stability that they so desperately need. 

(Adapted from a Journal entry I had written on April 26. 2011)