Laughter Made Me Cry

They were happy, holy, connected. They had it all together. Carefree. They were in tune with the spiritual side of things. Perfect little bible students. 

I thought I heard them laughing as I sat in the back row crying. They WERE laughing. Four of them with their shoulders shifting from the deep belly laughter. Being "caught up in the Spirit", is what they called it. I hugged my knees as tears dripped out of my eyes. I sniffled.

I was, out of place, uncomfortable and growing in indifference...

"What am I doing here?! Why am I crying? Why can't I laugh?" 

As I watched them giggle and chuckle with freedom, I realized I had been doing it on my own. I was running on empty. SHOOT! I attend a freaking BIBLE school and I depend on my own strengths to deal with situations and circumstances. Sure, I read my bible everyday and go to church more than the average american.....but, without knowing it, I hit a point where I was just going through the motions.

The meeting finished up. And they continued to laugh even after the room had cleared. I walked outside. I dared not say a word. I was so confused. A thought entered my head, "Was I dealing with everything in the Spirit or the flesh?" My job, my friends, my finances, my self, my relationship, my family, my destiny....in the flesh...with my own mental understanding. No wonder, no wonder! This is why I couldn't laugh; I was too overwhelmed. 

Brain Washing

There I was in the last class of the day. The room was packed full of people, young and old, of many different backgrounds and beliefs. They all looked a the woman standing in the front with a microphone in her hand. She spoke words of urgency and zeal. She spoke firmly and with purpose.

"We want to brain wash you."

At that very moment I grew distant and skeptical.

"What...what what?! I did not come here to be brain washed! I wanted information, I needed insight. I did NOT come here to become jaded and narrow minded!I refuse to be a part of this craziness, there must be something wrong. Nuhuh!"

I went home and sought God's take on this. it was important to me to hear what He had to say about this. I was growing concerned. I Google searched and flipped through my Bible. He brought me to this scripture:

 "That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word..." Ephesians 5:26

The teacher wasn't referring to the kind of brainwashing I thought. She wasn't trying to control my thoughts and determine my actions. There was no force she wished to persuade upon me to make me believe a certain way. NO! She was directing us to the washing that can only happen by the Word of God. As I read that scripture over and over the revelation of that particular verse penetrated my thoughts and I experienced a washing of my mind and, let me tell you, it's quite satisfying.

A Revelation Of Beauty

"If ever you think you're not beautiful," they said, "Don't even think that, because it's not true." 

And they said no more. 

I Had No Idea

Turns out there are no warning signs. No flashing lights. No high tech sounds or ringing bells and theme music. You don't know until it explodes in your face. And the only way you can respond is with a friendly greeting.