Dying People Pink and Green

I finally have an answer to my question; "So what do we do?" that I had posed in my entry Outfits, Eggs, and Expectations. Well, I know the answer to the one sub-question regarding changing the egg (my extended metaphor for - taking someone and trying to change them)....

When you dye an egg pink for example can you then dye it green? Ok, yes, you can definitely dunk the same egg in a bowl of green dye, but the egg won't be JUST green. There will still be hints of pink and the green shade on the egg won't be the same as the pretty green that it was supposed to be.

If you find someone who is one way do you really think you can change them?
They most likely WILL change, but their motive for changing will not be to self improve. You will become their motive; their reason to change, not God, not "to become a better person". Why is that so bad? Well, the result would be an individual fashioned to your liking; someone who can only identify themselves with you (a multicolored egg, a mesh of you and them). God is the one they should be identifying with! He's the maker, transformer, creator. It's His job. We aren't supposed to change people. We are supposed to point to the one who can. Only He can take that egg, make it white and recolor it.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here!" 2 Corinthians 5:7

Trying to change the egg isn't an option.

Tattoo "Secure" On Me

It's so easy to determine when someone has self esteem issues. There's a pattern of behavior followed in order to make up for that feeling of insecurity. I've noticed that it's hard to detect a lack of self esteem in one's self. The other night I was TV surfing and stopped at this program. I watched as a starving female artist, with red hair and thick black rimmed glasses, sat in front of a desk was a tattooed, bald head muscular guy ("King of Art?"). He was talking about how he sees great potential in her work. And how she should pursue this one specific style of art. She started to cry and weep. She couldn't believe that she had his "blessing" to continue in her artistry. I watched this and thought, "Wow, she struggles with low self esteem..."

I quickly, in that moment, examined myself. I pin pointed a time, not too long ago, when I did something very similar; allowing the words of someone else determine how confident I felt. Out loud I said, "I just had a revelation." I can't base whether or not I'm satisfied with myself by waiting for someone to come along and compliment or approve of me. I need to be secure in myself by myself. 

Thank you Starving Redheaded Artist for helping me realize (give yourself more credit!). 

Running Up Escalators

Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:34

When I was younger I remember running up the escalators at the JCPenny store and trying to reach the top before anyone else. Of course, I'd always win because no normal person would dart up a stairwell that automatically ascends to the higher level (except the very hyper Ceci). There I'd stand panting for breath with my hair displaced as a result of my sudden sprint with eyes wide (sweet victory). As the shopping trip carried on and everyone enjoyed themselves, I would be the first to get tired... my energies were prematurely exerted at the entrance. I'd turn cranky and ask myself why I felt like I had HAD to run up the metal moving stairs. Silly girl.

I've noticed this pattern in my life- trying too hard too early. I sometimes wear myself out when I should be relaxing; hassle over a situation when it really isn't something to stress over, or jump into meaningful relationship before its God's time. In the beginning the sense  of control, independent and responsibility seem to be there, but before long, I feel the way I'd feel at the end of a shopping trip. Tired and regretful. Honestly, I enjoy being first (in life, love, success and all things "grown-up") but I'm learning now that it's better to take a normal pace (let Life be an escalator) so that I'll still have it together at the end. 

Double Lives Means Double Meals

As teens we want to be able to make our own decisions (no matter how destructive), live our own lives (without limits), to choose words (no matter how profane). If we feel restricted or stifled by someone, we defy. Some of us rebel in a way that can be seen. We’re told to do one thing and we intentionally do it the opposite way. Others, are more subtle in their defiance. We form another life. Secret and unseen. Within it we are who we want to be, without another’s influence on us.

As I think about my past I ponder:

There’s a problem, though, with this second life. It has no rules, limits or boundaries. When living a life without the protection of wisdom and reason self destruction is inevitable. Yep, it may seem like freedom now, but in the long run the things I did: broke the trust, rose the guilt and took me far from God.

Before I knew it, I didn’t know who “Cecilia” was. Was she the “good girl” who listened to the latest Christian music releases? Or was she that girl who secretly did things that would keep her from sleeping at night? Nope. She was both. I was burdened with living two lives. Two very real lives but two very real lies.

Long story short, this is what I did:

But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. 2 Corinthians 4:2

I renounced it and thanked God for his redeeming power along with super supportive parents. My life isn’t perfect nowadays. I have my mistakes, my bad decisions, but I live one life now.  And if I pursue something that might introduce “another” life, I get back in check.  Because really, who wants to eat 6 meals a day...double meals?

Even Jesus Had Those Few

(Written December 2011, that was left in "draft" form)

^" All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts. " (Acts 2:44-47)

 I was talking to a friend missionary the other day. She’s been on the mission field for over 22 years specifically in Haiti. We were attending Christmas dinner with a group of other missionaries. We relayed how when you’re a missionary you are the one that they turn to when they need support. Your shoulder is the one on which they cry. It’s your words they look to for guidance. You become a model and example of strength and firm faith. So what do we do when we need to cry or find direction or vent? She said this;

“You get together with those who do the same thing you do and fellowship.”

Even Jesus had that special group that he kept close. His disciples. There were there when he experienced anger or anxiety. They were his support. The same concept is applied when you’re a missionary. No matter how hard you work to increase the kingdom. You still need the aid of another. Always. 

As the subject of our conversation changed I found her simple answer to ring true. There’s something about being able to freely converse with someone who has experienced the same thing you are in the middle of…and not feel like you’re damaging the “role-model” image you are expected to have. 

Thank you Beth!

"Show Your Heart"

In Haiti, whenever there was a communication problem or a misunderstanding between two of the children I would tell them this:

"You see that person? That person, there, can't see what's in your heart."

And they'd look at me with a blank look on their face. Like the awesome mediator that I am, I'd continue.

"YOU need to take out your heart and shove it in their face! Show them how you feel. Because this problem is because you guys aren't looking at hearts." 

Eyes would begin to roll.  And arms would cross.

I guess heart show-and-tell isn't the most exciting thing????

"Show your heart." I'd repeat, again and again. 

Slowly one would open up with the concerns from their young little heart. Before long tears would fall and hugs were exchanged. It's beautiful to see a mutual understanding of a situation!

When blogging, because its virtually impossible for me to explain everything, I sometimes feel like I can't blog certain stories, ideas or revelations because there is so much room for misunderstanding.

For example, I can say, "I love chicken!" and some will respond, "Wow, me too!", others will look at it and think, "So she doesn't like beef?!" or "Why do we need to know that?!".


I find myself sitting at my laptop looking at written posts that I have decided to keep in "draft" form. Yet, my heart is to share everything, so that someone, out there, can relate or grow or learn or disagree or add. So here I am, showing my heart about showing my heart. So that, one day, I can post all those drafts without worrying about being misunderstood.

Pizza With a Side of Faithful

I just started training at a local pizzeria. (Yes, can anyone say free pizza! I'm all smiles.) One of the things stressed while in training is faithfulness; coming in on time and making sure you do things the same and consistently. Faithfulness at a pizza place job?! Indeed, it's  very important. Who would have known! It's not just slapping dough and memorizing pizza toppings. If faithfulness is vital in making a 14" pizza pie then how much more important is it when it comes to the most precious relationship we have?!

Moreover, it is [essentially] required of stewards that a man should be found faithful [proving himself worthy of trust].

1 Corinthians 4: 2

Here's to applying pizzeria training to my relationship!