As teens we want to be able to make our own decisions (no
matter how destructive), live our own lives (without limits), to choose words (no matter how profane). If we feel restricted or stifled by someone, we defy. Some of us rebel in a way that
can be seen. We’re told to do one thing and we intentionally do it the opposite
way. Others, are more subtle in their defiance. We form another life. Secret
and unseen. Within it we are who we want to be, without another’s influence on
us.
As I think about my past I ponder:
There’s a problem, though, with this second life. It has no
rules, limits or boundaries. When living a life without the protection of wisdom
and reason self destruction is inevitable. Yep, it may seem like freedom now,
but in the long run the things I did: broke the trust, rose the guilt and took me far from God.
Before I knew it, I didn’t know who “Cecilia” was. Was she
the “good girl” who listened to the latest Christian music releases? Or was she
that girl who secretly did things that would keep her from sleeping at night?
Nope. She was both. I was burdened with living two lives. Two very real lives
but two very real lies.
Long story short, this is what I did:
But have renounced
the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling
the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending
ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. 2 Corinthians 4:2
I renounced it and thanked God for his redeeming power along with super supportive parents. My life isn’t perfect nowadays. I have my
mistakes, my bad decisions, but I live one life now. And if I pursue something that might
introduce “another” life, I get back in check. Because really, who wants to eat 6 meals a
day...double meals?
You are such a good writter my friend!
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